Frances Ha

I've been sad since last night. And I think it's because I watched Frances Ha for the first time. I need to watch it again. It reminded me of the new Amazon original, Mozart in the Jungle. If only because it made me feel the same way. Inspired, sad, normal, weird, like I matter, like I don't, and on and on. I like watching movies and tv shows about young women who are trying to break into their field, because I am a young woman trying to break into mine. I seek and devour these story lines trying to figure out how to hack it.

I feel like Frances in that I don't know think that I am inherently Talented in writing-- I have to work really hard for it. That was refreshing to see because it's usually extremely gifted people whose genius that lies undiscovered until the very last triumphant moment. I liked seeing a story where the person ends up succeeding and loving doing their second love. In Frances' case, it's choreographing, rather than dancing.

Frances is perfectly lost. Throughout the film she has a lot of trouble finding and keeping housing. This past year I graduated college and moved out of the jankiest hole in the ground into what a room twice as big and expensive with my own bathroom and fridge. This past month, I was finally able to afford to pay my rent, bills, and have money left over to put into savings. I finally felt the way Frances does at the end of the film when she looks around at her very own apartment and realizes that it's all hers. She made it.

I feel like I've made it. What "made it" is for 22-year-old me. I'm teaching at a preschool, and teaching is something I've always wanted to try/do. And I have a job in a newsroom (part-time as an assistant). But for the first time, I'm making enough money to LIVE. But while I'm enjoying it now, I remind myself that there will be more times where I'll have to start over and return to being lost and scared. When jobs end, when I move, something unexpected happens. Good or bad. There will be more stumbles and there will be more victories.